What Do Acceptance and Self-Compassion Have to Do with Change?
Hey friends, how are you on this fine Friday? I find myself a bit conflicted. My hubby and I just spent a few lovely days in a beautiful Colorado mountain town, where I got to kick back, relax and enjoy time in nature.
Breckenridge, CO, nestled right up next to several 14,000 foot peaks, has little jewel boxes of houses, and more flowers than I’ve seen anywhere in this state. The sun, when it came out, was brighter than anything I’ve ever seen or felt. It was kind of the beautiful extremes of nature.
Somehow, though, coming home from a beautiful couple of days, I’m feeling grumpy and out of sorts. I’m not sure why exactly, although maybe it has something to do with where I perceive myself on my journey of change, which I mentioned a bit last week. We’ll get into this after we imbibe some inspo!
Today’s Inspiration:
We all need to see the good that is constantly happening in our world, so we have a round-up of inspiring stories from the KarunaNews website. The links take you to a short summary and offer the option to read the entire story.
Grad Party Gives New Meaning to Senior Prom
(For All of my sisters in perimenopause and menopause) Engineering Better Sleep in Menopause
Video of the Day: Double Major (This less than 3 minute video is super-inspiring!)
Today’s Probing Question:
What does acceptance have to do with our journey of change? What about self-compassion?
And, perhaps more importantly, why the heck am I coming home from a beautiful mini-vacation feeling out of sorts and grumpy?
It may be related to where I perceive myself on my personal journey of change. Last week I told you that my goal is to make healthier choices about food and movement.
Well, I tried to make good choices while on my trip and only sometimes succeeded. The town we visited is at about 9500 feet and I felt the altitude more than I ever have before in Colorado. That both scared me and precluded getting more movement in. And food…While I ate a smaller dinner than usual one night, my hubby and I indulged in a rich dessert. (In our defense, I will say we left a third of it on the plate.)
It’s kind of a mixed track record and I’m beating myself up about it. I’m irritated by the dissonance between my desired change and my behavior. Argh.
It also relates to today’s probing question. In my coaching work with others, I’ve seen this counter-intuitive pattern that before people can change, they need to accept the thing about themselves that they can’t seem to change. Strangely, by making peace with this thing they don’t love about themselves, they are then able to let go of an old behavior or self-protective mechanism and can change.
It also feels like some self-compassion is needed right now. After eating the rich dessert, I ended up laying awake for several hours that night. It was somewhat predictable, and yet I did it anyway. Sigh.
I had plenty of time to see myself in the midst of my suffering – wanting to be sleeping and yet laying awake and feeling like I had contributed to it by my behavior of eating the dessert.
It actually was an accomplishment to be able to step back a little bit and see myself in my suffering, but from a little distance, and bring some self-compassion to the moment.
As I lay there, I was trying to apply a quote I’d recently read in a book called “This Life Is Joy,” by Roger Teel. I found the book courtesy of a Little Free Library on a walk last week. The subtitle of the book is “Discovering the Spiritual Laws to Live More Powerfully, Lovingly and Happily.” That gives you a sense of where it’s headed.
“This instant is love.”
--Roger Teel
My understanding of the quote is that in every moment there is love, perfection – if we can just let ourselves experience it.
As I laid there, I tried to sink into the perfection of the moment and I couldn’t quite get there. But I could see how I was getting in my own way. I had an idea of how things “should be” – “I should be sleeping right now,” – and was blaming myself that I wasn’t. The self-blame was preventing me from just being peaceful laying there.
Does that make any sense to you? If we can see ourselves and the patterns of mind and emotion that create our suffering, we are a step closer to being able to release ourselves from the suffering.
So, back to today’s question, “What does acceptance have to do with our journey of change? What about self-compassion?”
Accepting that I am a human, who will sometimes make good choices and sometimes not creates conditions for greater self-compassion. When we can be self-compassionate, we are necessarily closer to love in the present moment. When we are closer to love in the present moment, we are closer to happiness – regardless of whether I’ve fully made the change I want to make or not.
Making the change is a journey. I’ll both be on the path and fall off the path periodically. The greater the self-love I can bring to it, the more resilient I can be through the journey and the happier I’ll be along the way. And isn’t happiness the real goal anyway?
Take Action:
Consider your personal change objective. Can you think of a time when you could see yourself in a moment of suffering related to it? How did you meet and hold yourself in that moment – offering yourself grace and self-compassion or self-blame and frustration?
Then, consider a time in your life when you have been resilient through challenges and persevered towards a goal. What were you thinking, feeling and doing as you picked yourself up and put yourself back on the path toward your desired objective? How can those thoughts and emotions serve you now?
I’d love to hear from you about anything you’ve learned about acceptance, resilience, and self-compassion as part of the journey to change.
Colleen Osborne is a ‘Conscious Life Creation’ Coach and Qi Gong Teacher who lives in Wheat Ridge, Colorado. She is on a mission to Level Up, both herself and the human species. Learn more about her work HERE.
What a great post, thank you! This helped me consider the joy really is in the "getting closer" to my goal. What happens when we actually achieve our goals but failed to capture the journey's feedback and lessons? You have me thinking Colleen...again!!!