Hello, beautiful humans! Welcome to the threshold of another weekend! I hope life is treating you well. I’m in a hectic phase that precedes a vacation. It’s a little sprint to make it to the vacay and then hopefully I can enjoy both some relaxation and adventure.
A topic that’s been alive for me recently is how to be more skillful in working with my emotions. Developing our individual and collective ability to work with/be with/feel our emotions is truly a frontier for Leveling Up the human species, IMHO. (It’s definitely one of my growth edges these days.) That’s the inspiration for today’s post.
Let’s grab our Inspiration-a Gogo and get down to it, shall we?
Today’s Inspiration: We all need to see the good that is constantly happening in our world, so we have a round-up of inspiring stories from the KarunaNews website. The links take you to a short summary and offer the option to read the entire story. (The aren’t all new, but they are all inspiring and connected!)
(Not a Summary) An Awe Walk, by Dacher Keltner | Karuna (karunanews.org)
If You Journal For Mental Health, Here Are Some Effective Prompts (karunanews.org)
Embrace Your Darker Moods And You'll Feel Happier In The Long Run, Say Scientists (karunanews.org)
Today’s Probing Question: How do we “Level Up” in working with our emotions?
As a human in this world, I’m realizing I have two default modes with regard to my emotions. If I like them, I bask in them. This would be the case for compassion, joy, or contentment. I hang in out in them and fondly recall when I’ve felt these emotions. I try to hang onto them and try to recreate them. (Trying to recreate them doesn’t usually work…)
When I don’t like the emotions that are coming up, I ignore or suppress them – trying to pretend they don’t exist. I’m now learning that this has negative consequences. (Duh!)
I’m realizing, as strange as it may sound, that my heart is a little congested (or constipated as a coaching client once said to me). It’s a little harder to feel joy because there is a build-up of negative emotions I’ve refused to feel. They tend to “get stuck” and it’s effortful to release them.
I’m tired of letting these emotions build up and leave their unhappy residue with me. And, I’ve been realizing I actually know of tools that can help me. The trick is moving from knowing what to do, to doing the thing that would help me.
A colleague of mine, Rebecca Kochenderfer, founder of Journaling.com, has created a technique that has us connect with our emotions regularly in an effort to not let them “get stuck.” I share this because it is one of the tools that I have that I know would help me, and maybe you too.
She calls her technique “Notice, Name, Relax, Release,” or NNRR for short. I am sharing this technique with her permission.
Some interesting information Rebecca shared related to our emotions:
Scientists have found that most emotions only last for 90 seconds (when we actually feel it and let is “move through” us).
An emotion can trigger thousands of thoughts in our minds. (So, we know definitely that emotions trigger thoughts, not vice versa.)
She recently completed a study called “The Calm Mind Study,” as part of her thesis for her Ph.D. and had a group of people engage with the technique over the period of a week so she could collect results.
Among other things, she was and still is studying the long-term effects of NNRR on:
Decision Making - If we use the technique before making decisions, do we make better quality decisions?
Bandwidth – If we use it regularly, do we have more capacity or bandwidth?
Old Issues - Does the technique help us clear out old issues and challenges?
Sleep – If we use the technique while lying awake thinking about things, does it help us stop the thoughts and go back to sleep?
During the study, Rebecca suggested that people use the NNRR technique about 4 times/day, setting an alarm to remind them to engage the technique.
Here are some instructions on the technique from Rebecca, in case you want to try it out:
NOTICE & NAME - What are you feeling right now? Let’s put a name to that feeling. Common feelings include: happy, sad, depressed, content, anxious, peaceful, worrying, overwhelmed, envious, confident, stressed, blissful… Sometimes it can feel like peeling an onion. You may have a lot of feelings all at once. Just peel the onion and identify and name one feeling at a time.
As you notice your emotions, look at them with neutrality. You are not the emotion, you are having an emotion. Do not engage with the emotion. Stay neutral, and just observe it from a distance. As you notice an emotion, it may trigger more emotions. Continue to peel the onion until you get to a place that feels complete – meaning you get to where you’re feeling better.
RELAX & RELEASE – If you can, try to name and release one emotion at a time. To help you relax and release, you may find yourself taking a breath or you may have an internal image of yourself leaning back and giving the emotion room to move up and out of you. The rhythm of NNRR looks something like this, “I’m feeling anger – breathe – relax and release. Now I’m feeling guilt – breathe – relax and release. Now I’m feeling better/lighter – breathe — relax and release.” That’s it! Notice, Name, Relax, Release.
Resources for NNRR
10-minute video with background on NNRR
Naming Your Emotions | Practice | Greater Good in Action (berkeley.edu)
Take Action: Start Small
If you are looking for a Calmer Mind, I highly suggest you watch the video. It’s 10 minutes of your life and it could change your experience of your life.
Consider whether you want to engage the technique for a day or a week. When and how will you get started? What might get in your way?
Go Bigger:
Rebecca is hosting “Atomic Mindfulness: Tiny habits for big life changes,” which is happening October 1-10. Sign up here.
Let’s make the world a better place by learning how to feel our emotions.
Colleen Osborne is a ‘Conscious Life Creation’ Coach who lives in Wheat Ridge, Colorado. She is on a mission to Level Up, both herself and the human species. Learn more about her work HERE. Catalyst (catalystcolleen.com)
Wow Colleen 🌞 I really needed this reminder. Thanks 🙏
Enjoy your vacation 😊